Monday, monday, monday.

Just another boring monday, I watched the movie " JVCD " Jean-Claude Van Damme playing himself. I guess it was an alright flick it wasn't anything too special but was kinda comical.

Went shopping too and I suppose that was okay, I mean it's always great to have groceries so you don't starve to death, right?

Some good news on dating front so I'm significantly happier today. 

Other than that, I think I'll close the night off by watching "Traitor" streaming over Netflix on my xbox 360.

I doubt I'll have too much to say about that movie either but who knows it might inspire me to start writing out plans to betray my own country or something, but I sincerely doubt it that would take way too much effort than I am willing to dish out these days.

Hope your Monday was better than mine.

Internet Relationships

So I recently signed up for match.com and I have to say it's an interesting yet expensive site. It enabled me to open doors and chat with people I wouldn't normally find the opportunity to converse with and I have to say I think it has been a positive experience.

I met this one girl on there that so far has proven to be a very interesting person and we share a lot in common, I think she's a great find and I can't wait to spend some time with her and get to know her better.

However, as I write this from my couch in the dark, whilst listening to my ever-increasing Pink Floyd catalog; I can't help but think about my situation and how I could be allowing myself to develop such a strong interest and a solid base for which I could grow feelings for someone that I haven't even met yet. 

I think these days I tend to place more value in internet communication than I do with face to face exchanges. At the same time I still yearn for the kind of closeness that only the physical realm can provide, but I want to connect and I want to feel comfortable talking about things I wouldn't normally think of talking about and I have a great inability doing this in person.

A guided tour into someone's mind; that's how I perceive it. The ability to lay out your thoughts with the convenience of a backspace button. That's what my physical life is missing. 

All of that is grand of course, being comfortable, sharing your thoughts with another person worry-free over a "safe" and direct medium. However, it is dangerous and for me especially. I allow myself to get excited about the prospect that I am able to feel on the level with people I haven't really had the chance to truly get to know. I knowingly and willingly put myself out there to be hurt and abused.

It's paradoxical, I can't make sense of it... Perhaps I'm an internet masochist or maybe I'm just waiting for that one person that'll respond in kind. Who knows.. I certainly do not. 

It's all just another trip down the nonsensical bread crumb trail into the shallow depths of my mind.

Nice weather.

Nice weather outside... I should be out on Cape Cod enjoying it or even Mystic, CT as was planned. Ah well, plans fall through, things beyond our control happen. It's just too bad this weekend had to go to waste.

On top of missing out on some good warm weather fun, it's a grave disappointment to have a long standing friend of mine so jaded towards me over a text-based game that he's willing to ignore community management basics. I just can't help but feel this is all because of one interweb female of the "internet seductress" flavor that just happens to have a child and a pre-existing live in boyfriend.

I know I can be a stubborn asshole some of the time and I'm prone to argue things out, but I do have my qualities and I do believe those positive qualities outweigh the negatives most of the time. 

Now I have nothing against internet relationships or the comfort they can bring to otherwise lonely people, me included. However, I do have something against conflict of interest when you're the head of a text-based game and host a community of players.

It's even more understanding that the players and staff of text-based games are more prone to be taken advantage of by women like this; seeing that they are not the social elite of the world and are prone to be a bit more dysfunctional than your everyday " normal "person.

However, when you strive to be in the game development community both professionally and on your own time, you should certainly have a grasp on community management and not allow a chick on the internet interfere with your judgement, there is no real excuse for it. Yes the guy is entitled to feeling happy, and whatever else she does for him over video chat but it should stay separate and they should have minimal contact through " In character " matters where his ability to sway things in her favor would be put to the test.

Simple conflict of interest, he doesn't have to do something wrong for there to be a problem with it. The problem is the relationship, it is the infatuation.

Ah well, I carry a fair amount of spite here. Simply because it sucks to be stabbed in the back by someone you once considered your best friend, but I do believe I am more embarrassed for him on his actions since she has come " In to his life. " than anything. I really wish he'd wake up and toss the bitch to the side. She has sunken her teeth into about four or five guys in this gaming community already and she's finally reached the top of the ladder but he's desperate enough for that kind of attention to be alright with that.

The only thing I can really walk away and take with me is the slight comfort that I am not alone in feeling that his chick is trouble. Hopefully it is realized by more people sooner than later because I really did enjoy the game while I was able to enjoy it and would hate to see it destroyed by a pixelated video feed with tits.

This can't be good.

AH hell, a blog? As if people really need to learn more about how skewered and isolated my daily life is but I must relent and continue forth and join the many bloggers surfin' the tubes of our beloved interwebz. 

Today we're going to explore the once solid and secure fortress of my childhood imagination.  Once considered to be young Grok's super hero fortress or secret agent headquarters. This devastated structure of rusted metal and cracked concrete blocks now serves only as a hazardous attraction to the next generation. 

Despite the twisted and rusted steel, the crumbling bits and pieces of concrete strewn about the floors of this most engineering challenged structure I find it to be a lush environment just waiting to be captured digitally and I will do my best with my amateur photographer's sense and my Nikon D70s to do just that.